breast cancer thriver

I recently read Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis. In it she says that you shouldn’t live your life worrying about what other people think. If you have a goal, reach for that goal. And if you have something to say, say it. I think that’s where I’m coming from with writing this post. Some may like it and some may not. That’s your prerogative.

But what I do hope is that you read these words and get something from them for your own life. We cannot go through life worrying about what other people think. If the past 2 years have taught me nothing else, it has taught me that I have to live my life on my own terms.

So, here goes….

It’s been almost years since I wrote Don’t Wait – Our Full-time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer. At that time I thought my breast cancer journey was over. I’d decided on the quickest and least complicated surgery for the best outcome. I recovered and was on the road three months post surgery.

Oh, how wrong I was.

Surgery was done, but recovery is ongoing. You see, surgery isn’t the end—it’s just the beginning. And while I didn’t need chemo or radiation, my body has been through major trauma. Not to mention the emotional toll cancer can take. The after is worse than the before.

Finding out I had cancer was the easy part.

At least with the before you really don’t know what to expect. You’re kind of blissfully ignorant when it comes to the after.

I was so busy before surgery trying to figure everything out from treatment options to logistics—including where we would stay. Living in an RV while going through this added a whole new dimension. I didn’t have time to think about what such a drastic surgery would do to my body. Having a double mastectomy means amputating two body parts. And not having reconstruction means there is really nothing there anymore. In medical terms I had a bilateral mastectomy with Aesthetic Flat Closure.

Think about that!

As with any body part there are nerves and muscles involved. Two years out and I still have random nerve pain. The incision healed, but the scar remains. A daily reminder of what I went through.

Then there is the post-surgery treatment. Like I said, I was fortunate to not need chemo or radiation. However, the medication I am on that will, hopefully, keep the cancer from showing up somewhere else in my body comes with its own set of issues.

I can deal with the side effects if it means keeping the cancer from returning. However, this means waking up daily to joint pain in my hands, knees and elbows. It goes away as I move, but it’s still an annoying way to wake up every day. Fatigue hits me at random times. Not the kind where I feel like a need a nap, but the kind that tells me it’s time to take a break.

But even with these side effects, I would still not change a thing. Cancer took something from me, but it also gave me so much more.

What!?

Yes, that’s right. I got something from having breast cancer that I didn’t see coming.

I now have a new appreciation for the time God has given me. I found my cancer early, and that is because God was nudging me to get checked out earlier than I was scheduled to. This was his way of telling me he had more in store for me.

I now enjoy every day more. I’m excited for each day and what He has planned for me. I am very fortunate that my husband and I chose the full-time RV life before I was diagnosed. Every new day is an adventure as we travel to new places. It’s not always easy, but I truly believe this has helped me deal with my diagnosis. I had a goal and I told my surgeon I didn’t have time for breast cancer. I met that goal!

Joy.

Such a simple three-letter word, but it means so much more now than before I had breast cancer. As I go through each day I find joy. That is so uplifting. That small word is so impactful.

Friendship.

This is something I never expected. I am now friends with so many people I wouldn’t have even met if I hadn’t been diagnosed. And that includes my surgeons, Dr. Mark Cripe and Dr. Deepa Halaharvi! We’ve had wine together after recording The Breast Cancer Podcast, which Dr. Halaharvi is the host. Not too many people can say they’ve had a glass of wine with their doctors.

In fact, Dr. Halaharvi asked me to help her bring her own story to print, and in April Their Legacy, Their Light She Carries was published. I learned so much from her through this process about being a breast cancer survivor. You see, she is not only a breast surgeon, she is a 10-year survivor and thriver.

Live your best life and pursue your dreams and goals.

Deepa taught me through her book and the podcast how, as a survivor, you can live your best life after breast cancer. Cancer is just a small part of my life. I can choose to let it run my life, or I can choose to let it be the “pothole in our RV travel road” that I named it in my book.

When I thought about writing this blog post, I was hesitant. Everyone tells me how strong I am and how much of an inspiration I am for writing Don’t Wait and sharing my story. I worried about telling what my reality is every morning and dealing with the side effects. Would I come across as complaining? Am I a fraud because I’m admitting that it’s not always a piece of cake?

I know I don’t have it nearly as bad as so many women who’ve needed chemo, radiation, and dealt with so much more than me. In fact, in my book I even say that I felt like it was almost too easy. Diagnosed in May, surgery in July, and back on the road in October. Now I know I’m going through my own version of “hard”. It’s all relative.

No matter what you are going through in your own life, my hope for you is that you find joy in every day, friends to last a lifetime, and that you live your best life.

Here are the links referenced above:

Don’t Wait – Our Full-Time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer

Their Legacy, Their Light She Carries by Dr. Deepa Halaharvi

The Breast Cancer Podcast with Dr. Deepa Halaharvi is available wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube

Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis is available on Amazon and booksellers everywhere

Here is a list of things you should not say to the breast cancer patient

Did you get breast cancer from the Covid vaccine? This was asked of me by two people, and the answer is no! Breast cancer has been around a lot longer than the Covid vaccine.

How are you doing? Okay, I get that you’re being polite by asking a breast cancer patient this question. However, do you really want to know the answer? Because I’m going to guess that you want us to say “I’m fine” when we’re really not. The response we want to say is, “I’m doing well aside from the side effects of the drug I’m taking that has me in menopause for another 5 years at least. And hopefully this drug is killing any cancer cells that may be floating around in my body looking for a new home to try and kill me.”

You’ve recovered from surgery to remove the tumor and you’re cured. Celebrate that you’re done with cancer. I’m going to refer you to the answer above for this one because I’m not done.

You don’t even look like you’ve been sick. Yeah, some of us don’t look like we’ve been sick, that’s true. See, we’re the “lucky ones” who didn’t lose their hair because of chemo. Again, I’ll refer you to the answer for the second one above. Also, I have a scar from one armpit to the other that will prove otherwise.

Your breast cancer is hard on me, and I’m having a hard time supporting you. I’m sorry, it’s hard on you? What do you think the person with cancer is going through?

As far as cancer goes, this is a good one to get. Just to be clear, there are no good cancers.

When someone tells you they have cancer, please do not list everyone you know who has ever had cancer. For once, it should be about the person telling you they have cancer, not about everyone else.

What do you think you did to cause your cancer? Seriously, never ask a breast cancer patient this.

Please do not tell your loved one who is going through breast cancer horror stories of others “you know” who’ve had breast cancer. This is neither wanted nor helpful.

Please do not offer advice about herbal supplements, foods, or other remedies that “will cure your cancer”. Not helpful.

I understand what you’re going through. Unless you’ve been diagnosed, had treatment, surgery, etc., you don’t know how we feel.

This one comes from a close friend whose cancer has spread to her bones and she is now terminal. “People should let a cancer patient with terminal diagnosis talk about death. All I get from 2 close girlfriends and my sister are, ‘Why are you talking about that, you’re going to live a long time’. … Well I’ve got a 5 yr average life expectancy and I’m year 2. ‘Well who’s counting?’. I AM! I just wish these people would let us talk!”

Basically, a woman diagnosed with breast cancer feels like she’s just been hit by a truck. This was totally unexpected, and the idea of having to make the tough decisions regarding surgery and treatment is exhausting. We don’t want pity, but we do want you to be caring, compassionate, and sensitive.

Here are some ways you can help

What are you hungry for? This is especially for during treatment/surgery/recovery. An offer to bring dinner is always helpful.

Listen and do not interrupt. Sometimes we just need to vent and get it out of our head.

As with the first one, offer to bring food, dining gift cards, and chocolate—lots of chocolate!

Offer to help by cleaning the house, running errands, taking them to appointments. It takes quite a while for a breast cancer patient to regain their strength and energy.

Can I add you to my prayer chain list? Prayer can be powerful, and even the thought of someone caring enough to add a patient to their prayer chain can be uplifting.

Can I sit with you during your treatment? This is especially true for someone going through chemo treatments which can be upwards of 8 hours.

Can I tend to your garden, mow your lawn, etc? It’s bad enough that the patient is going through breast cancer, if they are an avid gardener and see their garden start to deteriorate, that can have a negative effect on them emotionally. Seeing their garden thriving can also raise their spirits.

Can I make a library run for you? As patients go through treatment, surgery, and recovery, they have a lot of empty time on their hands. A good book can help pass the time.

Offer to give the primary caregiver a break. At some point in the process every breast cancer patient requires help and emotional support. This usually comes from their primary caregiver. Offering to help for even a few hours gives the caregiver time to get reenergized so they can be the best caregiver they can be.

As you can see, it takes a lot to get a breast cancer patient from diagnosis through surgery, treatment, and into recovery mode. Care, compassion, and sensitivity are so important to a successful emotional, physical, and mental outcome for us.

Love,

Your family member or friend with breast cancer.

Tag: breast cancer thriver

Breast Cancer is a Journey, Not a Destination

A Letter to Family and Friends from Us, The Breast Cancer Patients

Here is a list of things you should not say to the breast cancer patient

Here are some ways you can help

Additional Resources