We recently traveled through the Pacific Northwest and one thing I noticed was that the trees were massive. Not tree trunk massive, but massively tall. It got me thinking about how strong their root structure and core must be to withstand hundreds of years of wind, rain, and anything else Mother Nature throws at them.
Much like these trees, we need a strong root structure. Yes, a strong physical core is essential, but our root structure is more than that. We have so much thrown at us on a daily basis, and for some it is live changing. We need strong roots to withstand it all.
Our roots ground us and help us to have belief in our community, family, and ourselves. Our roots help us to build a strong spiritual, emotional, medical, and physical core. To be honest, that last one is probably the hardest for me!
I found out how strong my root system was I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2023. Without my strong support system, it would have been difficult for me to handle my diagnosis on my own. Even the smallest gesture such as a card or post of encouragement helped me to increase my strength.
I leaned heavily on my spiritual roots to understand why I was chosen to get breast cancer, and why now. I realized it was so that I could share my story and encourage others to keep up with their medical screenings.
My emotional roots helped me to deal with so much. I relied on my strength to get me through all the decision-making, planning, and thoughts going through my head as I dealt with the direction I wanted to go. I wanted to choose the direction that would allow me to live my life on my terms. I wanted to be able to get back to living my full-time RV life as quickly as possible. Those were the two things that were the most important to me.
That led to my medical roots. I was fortunate to have family with experience in the medical field who could guide me. I was also fortunate to have a medical team full of empathetic medical professionals who helped to me understand all my options while allowing me to make the final decision. This meant the world.
No matter what we face in life, this is true—we need to have a strong root structure and a strong physical, emotional, spiritual and medical core.
How strong is your root structure?
My Hope for You
As I’ve continued my writing career over the years, I’ve learned so much about myself and how strong I am. As a breast cancer survivor, I found my purpose. Not only is it to write contemporary romance and cozy mysteries, but it is also to write my breast cancer story and share with others the importance of having a medical home base, especially if you are an RVer. My hope for you is that you read my writings and learn something you can apply to your own life.
Welcome to Palm Shores RV Resort! Fun and sun with a small-town atmosphere.
At least until another murder happens!
The residents of Palm Shores are finally settling into life in their winter retreat after the unfortunate demise of one of their residents at the hands of another. Activities are in full swing, and the resident pickleball expert, Benjamin Forester, has a booming business teaching pickleball to the female residents of Palm Shores.
When Benjamin ends up dead on the court, a long list of suspects begins to emerge.
As activities director, Maggie Dunham takes the murder of one of her employees very seriously. She knows Benjamin is also known as the resort Casanova, but would that be a reason to kill him?
Deputy Sheriff Kyle Wilson knows that trying to tell Maggie to stay out of his investigation is a complete waste of time. However, she does seem to find clues that he can use, even if she doesn’t realize it.
Besides, Maggie has a couple of investigative tools Kyle doesn’t have:
· A gossipy group of ladies known as the Palm Shores Walkers; and
· Mitzi, the psychic wonder dog.
As their relationship continues to grow, Maggie and Kyle work to solve this latest murder and calm the fears of the residents of Palm Shores. They soon find out that the most obvious suspect isn’t the real killer.
Take a seat at the Tiki Bar, have a Snowbird Sunrise, and watch the action unfold in Death on the Pickleball Court.
Click on the image to purchase on Amazon.
My Hope for You
As I’ve continued my writing career over the years, I’ve learned so much about myself and how strong I am. As a breast cancer survivor, I found my purpose. Not only is it to write contemporary romance and cozy mysteries, but it is also to write my breast cancer story and share with others the importance of having a medical home base, especially if you are an RVer. My hope for you is that you read my writings and learn something you can apply to your own life.
This is the third blog post in my Breast Cancer series and originally supposed to be a day in the life post. However, as I began writing about my day, I realized that no two breast cancer patients have the same kind of day. Instead of writing about my day, I thought I would share some important resources for breast cancer patients and their support system going through their own journey.
Podcasts
There are many podcasts out there for breast cancer patients. These are the ones I’ve found most informative.
The Breast Cancer Podcast
Dr. Deepa Halaharvi is the host of The Breast Cancer Podcast. Her podcasts feature experts in the field, as well as patients who tell their own stories.
Kris and Cass are both breast cancer survivors. Their podcasts are informative and leave the listener wanting to hear more. They aren’t afraid to inject some humor into their podcasts, with stories we can all relate to.
BreastCancer.org is full of important, and reliable, information to help you, the patient, make an informed decision about your breast health and breast cancer.
The Susan G. Komen organization has played a crucial role in improving the life expectancy of breast cancer patients through research and funding. Their website if full of great information about diagnosis and treatment options as well as statistics that help the patient make an informed decision.
As I’ve continued my writing career over the years, I’ve learned so much about myself and how strong I am. As a breast cancer survivor, I found my purpose. Not only is it to write contemporary romance and cozy mysteries, but it is also to write my breast cancer story and share with others the importance of having a medical home base, especially if you are an RVer. My hope for you is that you read my writings and learn something you can apply to your own life.
I am a breast cancer survivor and author of “Don’t Wait – Our Full-Time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer”. I felt compelled to write a series of blog posts about the breast cancer journey from the patient’s perspective.I’m tackling topics I feel are important to the breast cancer patient. From the breast surgeon, to well-meaning friends and family, to a day in the life of a breast cancer survivor (me), I want to shed light on the reality of breast cancer. If you missed my Letter from the Breast Cancer Patient to the Breast Surgeon, you can find it here.
Dear family and friends,
We know you mean well, but there are just some things that are better left unsaid or at least thought about first when speaking your loved one who is dealing breast cancer.
There are also topics we would really like to discuss, but you are uncomfortable talking about. I get that. It can be uncomfortable. But guess what, having breast cancer isn’t comfortable either.
Keep reading because we also have a list of things you can do to help us.
Here is a list of things you should not say to the breast cancer patient
Did you get breast cancer from the Covid vaccine? This was asked of me by two people, and the answer is no! Breast cancer has been around a lot longer than the Covid vaccine.
How are you doing? Okay, I get that you’re being polite by asking a breast cancer patient this question. However, do you really want to know the answer? Because I’m going to guess that you want us to say “I’m fine” when we’re really not. The response we want to say is, “I’m doing well aside from the side effects of the drug I’m taking that has me in menopause for another 5 years at least. And hopefully this drug is killing any cancer cells that may be floating around in my body looking for a new home to try and kill me.”
You’ve recovered from surgery to remove the tumor and you’re cured. Celebrate that you’re done with cancer. I’m going to refer you to the answer above for this one because I’m not done.
You don’t even look like you’ve been sick. Yeah, some of us don’t look like we’ve been sick, that’s true. See, we’re the “lucky ones” who didn’t lose their hair because of chemo. Again, I’ll refer you to the answer for the second one above. Also, I have a scar from one armpit to the other that will prove otherwise.
Your breast cancer is hard on me, and I’m having a hard time supporting you. I’m sorry, it’s hard on you? What do you think the person with cancer is going through?
As far as cancer goes, this is a good one to get. Just to be clear, there are no good cancers.
When someone tells you they have cancer, please do not list everyone you know who has ever had cancer. For once, it should be about the person telling you they have cancer, not about everyone else.
What do you think you did to cause your cancer? Seriously, never ask a breast cancer patient this.
Please do not tell your loved one who is going through breast cancer horror stories of others “you know” who’ve had breast cancer. This is neither wanted nor helpful.
Please do not offer advice about herbal supplements, foods, or other remedies that “will cure your cancer”. Not helpful.
I understand what you’re going through. Unless you’ve been diagnosed, had treatment, surgery, etc., you don’t know how we feel.
This one comes from a close friend whose cancer has spread to her bones and she is now terminal. “People should let a cancer patient with terminal diagnosis talk about death. All I get from 2 close girlfriends and my sister are, ‘Why are you talking about that, you’re going to live a long time’. … Well I’ve got a 5 yr average life expectancy and I’m year 2. ‘Well who’s counting?’. I AM! I just wish these people would let us talk!”
Basically, a woman diagnosed with breast cancer feels like she’s just been hit by a truck. This was totally unexpected, and the idea of having to make the tough decisions regarding surgery and treatment is exhausting. We don’t want pity, but we do want you to be caring, compassionate, and sensitive.
Here are some ways you can help
What are you hungry for? This is especially for during treatment/surgery/recovery. An offer to bring dinner is always helpful.
Listen and do not interrupt. Sometimes we just need to vent and get it out of our head.
As with the first one, offer to bring food, dining gift cards, and chocolate—lots of chocolate!
Offer to help by cleaning the house, running errands, taking them to appointments. It takes quite a while for a breast cancer patient to regain their strength and energy.
Can I add you to my prayer chain list? Prayer can be powerful, and even the thought of someone caring enough to add a patient to their prayer chain can be uplifting.
Can I sit with you during your treatment? This is especially true for someone going through chemo treatments which can be upwards of 8 hours.
Can I tend to your garden, mow your lawn, etc? It’s bad enough that the patient is going through breast cancer, if they are an avid gardener and see their garden start to deteriorate, that can have a negative effect on them emotionally. Seeing their garden thriving can also raise their spirits.
Can I make a library run for you? As patients go through treatment, surgery, and recovery, they have a lot of empty time on their hands. A good book can help pass the time.
Offer to give the primary caregiver a break. At some point in the process every breast cancer patient requires help and emotional support. This usually comes from their primary caregiver. Offering to help for even a few hours gives the caregiver time to get reenergized so they can be the best caregiver they can be.
As you can see, it takes a lot to get a breast cancer patient from diagnosis through surgery, treatment, and into recovery mode. Care, compassion, and sensitivity are so important to a successful emotional, physical, and mental outcome for us.
I am a breast cancer survivor and author of “Don’t Wait – Our Full-Time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer”. I felt compelled to write a series of blog posts about the breast cancer journey from the patient’s perspective.Over the next few posts I’ll be tackling topics I feel are important to the breast cancer patient. From the breast surgeon, to well-meaning friends and family, to a day in the life of a breast cancer survivor (me), I want to shed light on the reality of breast cancer. Just because I’ve recovered from surgery, that doesn’t mean I’m done. First up is this letter to the breast surgeon.
This letter to the surgeon isn’t based on my experience, because I was truly blessed to have an amazing surgeon and team. No, this letter is in response to so many who have not been so blessed. A good doctor/patient relationship is so important and so is empathy.
Dear Breast Surgeon,
Please try to remember that I am scared. I’ve just gone through my regular mammogram and received the call to do the follow-up. After the follow-up, the radiologist wanted to do an ultrasound.
The nurse navigator said that based on the ultrasound, I needed to come back for a biopsy and to meet with you, the breast surgeon.
My family and I are scared. We know nothing about breast cancer, the type, all the different acronyms that come with it, the kind of surgery that I need to choose—none of it. All we know is that I’ll be having a biopsy after our visit.
You are the person with all the answers to questions we don’t even know to ask yet. You are also the person I am supposed to trust with my life if I require surgery.
At this stage, I need you to be caring and compassionate. I haven’t even met you yet, but that is what I need you to be as I sit on the exam table waiting for you to do a very personal exam to see if you can feel the small tumor that the radiologist saw on my imaging.
What I want is for you to treat me like a person and not a number. I’m sure you’ve had many patients, and we are all different. But I can tell you this, we all want you to show us empathy—because we are all scared.
This may seem like an everyday occurrence to you, doctor. But it’s not for us— your patients. We are terrified that the biopsy results will come back positive for some type of cancer that we don’t yet understand.
Then, when this does indeed happen, we are told not to google anything. So we don’t. We have our list of questions ready when you call to tell us the results. Because, for some of us, we find out the results on our patient portal before you call us.
What we expect from you is that you will take the time, either by phone or during our surgical consult, to answer them. Please remember—we are terrified. You are the person who can calm our fears, answer our questions, and explain our options in terms we can understand.
Most of all—respect our treatment options and decisions. If we choose to have a bilateral mastectomy with aesthetic flat closure even if we have only one small tumor, respect our decision.
And here’s why. By now, I would hope that you would know enough about me, the patient, to know how I want to live my life, what my goals are, and what is important to me. See, these are the questions you should be asking me.
Why should you, the doctor, listen to me, the patient? After all, I’m not the one who spent years in medical school. I am, however, the one who is coming to you because of your years in medical school and training. My hope is that during those years, you also had training on how to be caring and compassionate.
The doctor/patient relationship is so important to the patient. I would hope it is important to the doctor as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter.
I recently had the honor of being a guest on Dr. Deepa Halaharvi’s The Breast Cancer Podcast. Along with my breast surgeon, Dr. Mark Cripe, we discussed how we navigated my diagnosis, treatment, and recovery, all with the ultimate goal of getting back to living my full-time RV life.
With my book, Don’t Wait – Our Full-time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer, as our guide, we talked about the importance of knowing your body, not waiting if you think something has been missed, and how vitally important it is to have a great doctor/patient relationship.
I hope you’ll give this podcast a listen with the link below and share it with others who may be dealing with something similar. I want to spread the message that what we are dealing with is normal in a very abnormal situation that none of us asked to be in.
Also, please check out my book, Don’t Wait – Our Full-Time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer, for more on how my husband and I dealt with this unexpected diagnosis while living full-time in our 41-ft. fifth wheel.
I had the pleasure of doing an Instagram Live with Kacey Sophia this week. We talked all about my writing process, my contemporary romance series, and how I came to write Don’t Wait – Our Full-time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer.
I loved using this platform to share my message of Don’t Wait to enhance, change, and maybe even save your life.
Give it a watch and then click on the link below to check out all 7 books I currently have available on Amazon Kindle Unlimited, ebook, and paperback.
I decided to write Don’t Wait – Our Full-Time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer two weeks after my life-changing surgery. What I thought was a routine mammogram during our yearly trip to Ohio for check-ups before continuing our epic 2023 adventure, turned out to be anything but.
We all have those Don’t Wait moments in life. After hearing stories of others who had waited until that perfect time that never came, we chose to get out there and live our full-time RV life in 2019.
In Don’t Wait – Our Full-Time RV Journey Through Breast Cancer, I chronicle the path my husband Mike and I took from becoming full-time RVers living and traveling the country in our 2019 Grand Design Solitude 385GK, to living the Don’t Wait motto.
Along the way, we had our own Don’t Wait moments to deal with.
Our biggest came when I chose to get my yearly mammogram early because we would be traveling at the time that I should be having it. This Don’t Wait moment became more than we ever dreamed it would be.
Don’t Wait provides a personal account of my diagnosis of breast cancer and my medical decision-making, all while living in an RV and staying focused on our travel plans. We chose to face this new Don’t Wait moment head-on and get rid of the “pothole in our RV travel road” so that we could get back on the road as quickly as possible.
You never know what the next day will bring, so live each day with the Don’t Wait motto.
Where You Can Get Don’t Wait
Amazon (paperback and ebook):
More of my Don’t Wait Story
To hear more of my story, check out my conversation with Cori Freeman on her podcast, Don’t Ignore the Nudge, with the links below.
NOTE: I wrote this originally in July of 2016 on my other blog site, The Rambling Quilter, and thought it was interesting that it is still relevant today. This isn’t meant to be a religious discussion—more of something for you to ponder as you live your life. What is in your Book of Life? How can you make your Book of Life more of what you’d like your life to be? Are you waiting until “the right time” to do something or see something or go somewhere you’ve always wanted?
If so, this post may make you rethink that decision to wait. We aren’t guaranteed the next minute, let alone “the right time”. Make sure your Book of Life is full of everything you’ve wanted to experience.
What would your Book of Life be like?
From The Rambling Quilter, July 2016
Recently I saw a show about how the Smithsonian Museum is restoring the Jefferson Bible. I had not heard of the Jefferson Bible, and I found this program completely fascinating. Jefferson painstakingly cut apart bibles in several different languages to create his version of Jesus’ life without all the miracles and his ascension.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the Book of Life were like that—only in reverse? We could keep all the happy and wonderful parts and discard all the bad.
I had a chance meeting with my aunt and uncle at Panera for breakfast. I’ll never forget the huge hug she gave me or her telling me that she wanted all her nieces and nephews to connect. It never crossed our mind that she’d pass away after a tragic car accident a couple of weeks later.
She got her wish. For two days we gathered, reminiscing about growing up with our beloved aunt and catching up on what our families were doing. Many of us realized that we hadn’t seen each other in twenty years or more. We all had families of our own and time really got away from us. It was so nice reconnecting and remembering that my family was so much bigger than just those I spent the most time with. That part I would keep in my Book of Life.
At the same time, though, we were saying goodbye to an aunt we all truly loved. I saw my mom, aunt, and uncle say goodbye to their baby sister. I saw my three cousins say goodbye to their mom. And I saw my uncle say goodbye to the love of his life of forty years. I would love to cut this part out of my Book of Life.
There are so many good things going on in the world that are too often overshadowed by events we have absolutely no control over.
I realize that it is totally unrealistic to have a Book of Life that is only happy, wonderful events. We’ve all heard that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Well, right now I’d say he must think we are some pretty strong people because he’s giving us a lot.
Even though my Book of Life is still overflowing with wonderful moments, these are the occasional events that God thinks I can handle that really test me.
My aunt’s family’s wish in lieu of flowers was that we hug our loved ones every day. As we witnessed, life is short and you just don’t know when it will be the last page of your own personal Book of Life.
As I said before, I wrote this back in 2016 right after my beloved aunt’s funeral. Since then, I’ve written six novels, and many blog posts, and my husband and I have sold our home and begun traveling the country in our RV. We work from the road and do, see, and go everywhere we can to experience as much as we can. We chose NOT to wait until “the right time.”
I’d love to hear your thoughts. My hope is this post inspires you to experience something new, even if it’s right outside your front door.
Immigrant Secrets – The Search for My Grandparents by John Mancini
We all have skeletons in our proverbial family closet and some are buried deeper than others. John Mancini’s search for his skeletons took years of digging. What he found out was not what anyone in his family expected. Immigrant Secrets – The Search for My Grandparents is the true story of one man’s quest to find out what really happened to his grandparents.
I had the opportunity to interview John and I asked him these ten questions.
1.What was your motivation for writing Immigrant Secrets?
JM: After a bit of prodding and poking by beta readers, I finally realized that what I was trying to do was something more than just solving the mystery of my grandparents. I realized that what I was really trying to do was understand my father and his origins story.
2. How long did it take for you to do your research?
JM: I started researching the story over five years ago. As I went along, I began to do blog posts documenting my research. These were pretty straightforward posts describing how and where I went about the process of finding out about my mystery grandparents. This was a good exercise for me because it got me thinking about more than the facts of my grandparents’ lives—it got me thinking about their story and bringing them and their story to life.
3. How long did it take to write the manuscript?
JM: As I got into the research, I became intrigued with telling the story of my grandparents along two tracks. The first track—the story of the search itself—is a rather typical family history journey, albeit one that revealed things I never could have imagined about our family. One thing I have found along this journey is that genealogy people are incredibly helpful. I spent a good portion of the last 20+ years of my career hanging about with records managers and archivists. I will admit that in the rush to embrace the latest and greatest technology and shiny gadgets, I didn’t always understand or appreciate them. But I do now.
The second track—given that documentation about my grandparents was incredibly difficult to find—was a bit of historical reconstruction. The story of my Italian grandparents in the book is, in fact, a story. But it is, as they say in movie previews, “based on a true story.” The facts that surround the story of Elizabeth and Frank are true, but obviously the texture that surrounds those facts and the story incorporating the facts are my own creations to give them life.
Once I really understood the two tracks of my story—I always love books that flip back and forth in perspective—it took me about two years to bring it all together. It was a long time before I even admitted to anyone that I was trying to do this.
4.Without giving away too much, what was the biggest surprise?
JM: The biggest surprise—and there were many along the way—was actually the first one. The only thing my father ever said about his Italian immigrant family was that his parents died in the 1930s, shortly after arriving at Ellis Island. Except they didn’t. Once I began the search for my grandparents, I mostly ran into dead-ends. Until the 1940 Census. My grandparents magically appeared in the Census, but as inmates at the Rockland Insane Asylum.
5.Was there anything you expected to find that you didn’t?
JM: I was not prepared for how unreasonable privacy policies are with regards to access to the health records of those long dead. New York State is among the worst in the nation. I still find it amazing that being the nearest living relative of my dead grandparents is not sufficient to get access to their health records. These records are basically being kept for no useful purpose, with access denied to the only people who would care about viewing them.
6.Where did you do your most informative research?
JM: For all of the basic facts, Ancestry.com was critical. The work that Ancestry.com and the LDS Church have done in digitizing paper and microfilm records is just incredible. Without digitization, finding and accessing information about ancestors is a monumentally more time-consuming task, if not an impossible one.
As I encountered more and more “access denied” responses to my requests for health records, I got lucky. I came across a terrific book by Steve Luxenberg, a former Washington Post writer. Annie’s Ghost describes his somewhat similar journey across the psychiatric commitment landscape. When his mother died, Luxenberg discovered he’d had an aunt, warehoused for many years in a Detroit mental hospital. Why? Why hadn’t he and his siblings been told? He launched an investigation into his aunt’s history, which led to an investigation into the asylum system itself. Each discovery raised more questions.
I contacted Steve and asked him if he had any ideas on how to proceed. He suggested that I go down the path of finding the original commitment papers. His point was that legal documents have a different set of privacy restrictions associated with them than do health documents. So that’s what I did.
7.When there were frustrating moments, and I’m sure there were many, did you think you wouldn’t be able to find the answers you were seeking?
JM: Without giving away too much, I had a key record in my hand that told an important part of my grandmother’s story—but I could not open it because the record had been sealed by the court. I thought for a long time that that part of the story would just be an unknown, until an unexpected source entered the story at the last minute, like a death row pardon from the governor. But I shouldn’t say more than that.
8.If so, how instrumental was your family in helping you continue?
JM: Once I got rolling with this project, my brother, Joe, was the most interested in helping. We made a good team—he cares much more about the pure facts and figures, and I care more about the story that the facts imply. My sister, June, is a child therapist, and her insights on the nature of childhood trauma were key to helping me understand the impact of trauma on a young child.
9. What advice would you give to others starting their ancestry research journey?
JM: First, carefully document early and often. I spent more time than I needed going back and “re-finding” things that I had already discovered because I wasn’t careful enough early on. Second, be prepared for surprises. Not every origins story has a happy ending. Third, remember that every family—every family—has secrets. Most families are convinced that all other families are far more normal than their own. They’re not. And lastly, view genealogy not just as a way to collect facts and figures, but as a way to shed light on the stories and lives of those who came before.
10. And finally, what do you hope your readers take away from reading this book?
JM: I think our origin stories are so important in discovering who we are. I hope readers will embrace the origins story perspective of the late Rachel Held Evans:
“…we look to the stories of our origins to make sense of things, to remember who we are. The role of origin stories…is to enlighten the present by recalling the past. Origin stories are rarely straightforward history. Over the years, they morph into a colorful amalgam of truth and myth, nostalgia and cautionary tale, the shades of their significance brought out by the particular light of a particular moment.”
Bonus Question: How can readers purchase your book?
John weaves an almost unbelievable ancestral tale combining fact and his version of what his grandparents’ lives had been like to tell this incredible story.
If you are interested in ancestry and genealogy, you have to read this book.
Jennifer Skinnell
In addition to playing 10 Questions with fellow authors, Jennifer writes contemporary romance novels. Her work can be found on Amazon following the link below. Also check out her travel blog, The Rambling Quilter.
